Are we need a relationship ? or we just want relationship ?
How to see relationship? when you confuse! and overwhelm! by it. (Especially if you’re an introvert like me)
These days I’ve felt that the eagerness to be with a person(relationship) is becoming unhealthy in the sense that I still don’t know what exactly it is that I’m dealing with and I am confused to control my emotions continuously. Somehow I am aware that I’m afraid to get trapped again in a naïve loop where I would choose denial — denial — denial over reality to navigate my conscious being just because of the scheme of relationship!.
If I can be honest with myself about why I am doing this?(relationship) and asked these following questions; is it because I want it? or is it because I need it?. Of course I do want a healthy growing relationship! But do I need it? And the answer is simple, no not really actually.
Something that I try to accept is the fact that I am craving for the sensation that I found in a relationship. But the truth is I always try to put aside the fact about what actually matters to me when I feel that I’m going to lose the sense of control. Is that the space within myself where I can tell myself that whatever happens please don’t make decisions based on what I want. Instead I should be make decisions based upon things that matter to sustain my well-being and it always narrows down to the things that I need and I don’t need.
Subconsciously I can give the infinite numbers about things that I want and importantly who I want to be with in regards to relationships. Turns out in my experience I notice those are the moments whereby I can see my body and mind are longing and wanting desperately for someone!, also for something! That I don’t even know what it is.
Oftentimes I lose the sense of control, and conscious perspective about these notions of difference between “wanting” and “needing”.
I can give a million sets of reason about what I want and who I want to be with, but the truth are slicing in when I asked myself in the end of the day, do I really need this person to get better in life ? do I really need this things in order to be better? I really surprise that what I looking for in regards of relationship is actually limitless( I want this! also I want that!, and funny thing about this are it would be triple every time I experiencing stress). I always demanding(what I want) more in relationship yet the supplies(what I really need) is not meet that demands.
Array of thoughts and desire are instantly happens when I put myself into this(relationship) instantaneously wherein reality those are the most thing that triggering stress and anxiety simply we tend to overwhelmed about the infinite numbers of desires, which one to choses? and which not?.
When it come to the question of what do we need ? and who do we need to be with ? those clusters of desire start to dissolve into a set clarity of options, surprisingly it'll be form in a very small numbers that we can count and comprehend. and Importantly to enable space for reflection through in time.
Finally the notion of whole relationship get shifted into a small set of options that I can take and Implement(it’s a binary; Yes and No) otherwise it would be insanely complex because I want it to be complicated at a the first place, in fact what I? and all of us? need is simplicity. but it’s normal it is the manifestation of stress that we all have to manage constantly. Now let’s answer this question with me and help each other out when we all are at rest(without any interruption from outside worlds) and just simply siting down in a very quiet place that we always used to talk with ourselves. and help ourselves to get out from a naïve loop by answer this questions;
Do I really need this kind of relationship ? do I really need this type of person in my life ?
“If your head tell you one thing and your hearth tells you another, before you do anything, decide first whether you have a better head or a better hearth” -Einstein
